Category Archives: High Wankery

High Wankery: Lyrical Edition #1

I’ve decided to pay homage to the gentlemen over at The Axis of Evil and offer my own “literary” lyrical analysis of a popular song.  They have provided the following stellar examples: Party in the U.S.A. and Telephone.

I will change it up a bit by not giving you the name of the song I’m using, but you’re welcome to guess in the comments.

Without further delay, I present:

High Wankery: Lyrical Edition No. 1

I am exhibiting a level of “coolness” that indicates I am as free and carefree as a floating sheet of paper, partially due to the fact that I have consumed sufficient intoxicants to reach a euphoric state. If your border agent tries to detain me, I will have the necessary immigration papers. If you visit my headquarters, you will find that we are producing fraudulent immigration papers at a high volume. If you would like your own fraudulent papers, it will only take a moment.

[Repeat once]

*  *  *  *  *

There are occasions when I am travelling by rail that I contemplate how to become a better criminal. At every stop, I consider if there is a way that I might commit another act of fraud to obtain more money. My team of criminals have been very successful.  We are gaining a great deal of notoriety. Our actions indicate that we truly have mastered the criminal arts, particularly in the area of thievery.

[Repeat once]

*  *  *  *  *

I would only like to discharge my weapon, open your cash register, and then take your currency.

[Repeat thrice]

*  *  *  *  *

The craniums and assorted osseous matter of maritime marauders adorn our banners. Our weapons of choice include small fallen tree branches, chunks of gravel, marijuana, and explosive devices. When we attack, we remain in constant motion to reduce the chances we will be apprehended. We like to think these tactics are like a toxin that will help bring down the economic ideology with which we disagree.

[Repeat once]

*  *  *  *  *

There is not an individual in our area who exudes the same level confidence that we do. If you wish to reach me, please call my disposable cellular device (which is not linked to my name to make it more difficult for the authorities to obtain the necessary wiretapping warrants) . We are able to package and distribute our wares in a manner than is as fast and efficient as a professional shipping company. We understand that we may face judgment in the afterlife for our actions, but we are going to continue with our criminal activities.

[Repeat once]

*  *  *  *  *

I would only like to discharge my weapon, open your cash register, and then take your currency.

[Repeat thrice]

*  *  *  *  *

[Artist’s Stage Name], setting up developing nation representative governments. Yes, I have more intelligence than a foreign espionage agency. So, please no less than serious behavior.  Are you prepared for that?

*  *  *  *  *

Sometimes I commit homicide, but sometimes I am merciful and release the potential victim.

[Repeat once]

*  *  *  *  *

I would only like to discharge my weapon, open your cash register, and then take your currency.

[Repeat thrice]

THE  END

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